Suit Up. It's On.

Dedicated to Michael.

There's a reason why it's called the 'dating game'. While it needn't be a zero sum contest, don't get it twisted,  more often than not, someone has the advantage and someone does not. However, that doesn't mean that two can't make it work. Successful romantic relationships are possible.  Love, ( the progressive extrapolation of dating) is a contact sport. There's no way to be in it to win it and not be at risk. There is no equity without investment. You can deny it if you want, but you would be best served to suit up in your most protective gear and keep your eye on the ball (lest it knock you upside you pretty little head).  You can't win the penant, the trophy, the title, the ring without being committed to AND active in the game.

I grew up in San Francisco during the years the 49ers dominated the NFL. Freddie Solomon, Dwight Clark, Ronnie Lott, Jerry Rice, Steve Young and Joe Montana were led by the marvelous Bill Walsh. As a little girl, I would watch them play and while not really knowing what was going on, I knew the 9'ers were somethin' special. I was a fan, and that was an effortless undertaking given their record. From my limited understanding and comfortable ignorance, the game was easy.

In the late 90's, I dated a man who was a HUGE Jets fan.  In a closeted fashion I jumped on board. Why closeted? Because the Jets SUCKED. I didn't get it. I would dutifully watch the games with him and would observe him going through a range of emotions. Why was he so committed to this team? Every week Bill Parcell's looked like he was going to have a coronary on the sidelines and the Jets looked like the adult football version of the bad news bears. Yet, there he sat, week after week, believing that brighter days were ahead for his beloved Jets. He loved them, he wanted me to love them, he wanted me to love the game. It was at his feet (okay, on his couch), that I learned the intricacies, the history, the game of football. Touchbacks - √, special teams - √, off sides - √, calling an audible - √. I was SO excited.  I wasn't the long-suffering girlfriend tolerating the weekly games - I was one of THEM now and LOVING it.  I got why week after week, he believed that on any given Sunday it could all change. The game was much more than luck. It was much more than a combination of players that were big & strapping, agile & leith and the swift footed. It was about focus, commitment, and teamwork.

In the game, be your position offense or defense, every player has a role, and these roles are interdependent.  In order to advance/to hold back, to get that first down/to block that first down, to succeed in that passing or running game/to intercept or stop that pass and/or running game,  people MUST work together - otherwise the entire effort is futile. Even still, we all know that even when the best laid plans are made - challenges and losses still occur. When it comes to the 'love' variety of the game, the problem is that we continue with the offense/defense mindset vs. the teamwork "we're in this thing together" mindset. Many women operate with the all or nothing mindset. We are so focused on the end result, we fail to truly learn and master the nuances - read the play, call an audible, slow things down and take ourselves out of the game when necessary. We stay ALL UP in the game though we are at the 2 minute warning and down by 20 points. As a matter of fact, we'll play through the 2 minute warning and demand overtime. Many men get drafted (franchise no less), gear up, get in formation, and lose focus. They begin to throw interception after interception (aka sabotage), rather than regroup, refocus and recommit. Rather than walking away from the game with their head held high and their integrity intact, they end up leaving the game having made a mess of it.  They are the ones that become famous. NOT for their stellar performance, but rather their abysmal, short-sighted strategies. These men have thus cemented their place in the losers hall of fame.

I learned A LOT from my Jets loving boyfriend. The game, (should you suit up), is about focus,  commitment and teamwork. It's about believing that it CAN be done.  In spite of the odds, in spite of the mistakes. Not that there won't be challenges, it's about meeting those challenges together. The effort, the lessons, the reward, is worth it.

By the way, one year after Bill Parcells became coach, the Jets would place 1st in their division. I am convinced Michael's allegiance played a role:-)

The dating game,  I've got my gear on - who's with me?