I'm catching my breath. Never fear, more rants, thoughts and musings to come.

Sittin' By The Dock Of A Bay

When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. 

Learn to forgive fully and love unconditionally.

Bitterness is easy. We've all been wronged - terribly wronged. If you haven't been terribly disappointed, if you haven't been heartbroken, you haven't  lived.  I can remember in my late 20's I was hurt to the core by a guy I was totally taken with. We started dating shortly after my mother was diagnosed with cancer. To date, I've yet to meet a man that i've connected with intellectually, culturally and emotionally like I did with him. I can recall laughing with him until I was sure I'd embarrass myself once the puddle beneath became apparent. We'd talk hours upon hours - while I was getting dressed, while I was cooking, while I was breathing, while....Many of you remember getting phone bills WAY before bundle deals from the phone company. We averaged $600 phone bills. Every waking moment was sweeter because HE was in my life. We got each other, really got each other. I thought "this is what it feels like when you've met the one". Little did I know  that the entire time we were dating, "my one" had "someone" who wasn't me. Apparently, this guy was a multi-tasking fool. While that was deeply disappointing, even more disappointing was the Houdini like disappearing act he pulled when my mother was in her final hours of life. My expectation of his support was based on the relationship that I THOUGHT we had. His ability to totally separate himself emotionally from what I was going through was based on the relationship he DID have with someone else.   To find this out while dealing with the loss of my mother was devastating. I was officially bitter.


I became a skilled orator on how I'd been done wrong. If you gave me 5 minutes, I'd give you the cliff notes on my erstwhile love affair. I told my story time AND time AND time AND time again.  I'm actually embarrassed to think of the eyes that must've rolled when people saw me coming - Debbie downer in the flesh. I was so focused on rehashing, recounting, reliving and remembering the past that I missed out on more than I care to imagine.  My hurts lasted longer than the relationship. While I lamented, HE moved forward with his "one", got engaged and married. During this time, I honestly thought I'd moved on. I dated - quite a bit. None of those guys worked out. Hmmm, I wonder why? One guy even told me "you know I really like you, but you seem to still have very strong feelings for your ex. Maybe you should see if that relationship can be revived." Nice guy, right? Understanding guy, right? Yeah, I missed the boat on that one. I docked my bitterness at every single solitary port that beckoned me. 


One day, a good friend of mine and someone who actually pursued me romantically during my ministry of bitterness, said to me "Cynthia, you really need to get past this. Do you realize how unattractive you're making yourself? I mean how many times are you going to tell this story? What is it really doing for you"? That was my "aha" moment  - and miraculously my bitterness, bit the dust.  Since that time, I've not told that story, the story of unrequited love and bitterness. I can't even remember much of it. When I think of him now, I DO recall the laughter, the butterflies, the dreams of "what if". I remember the good.
There's a saying "by beholding we become changed". Those words are powerfully true. Whatever you choose to meditate on, make a priority will effect you. That's why in Philippians Paul tell us to think on the positive, the pure, the true, the just. A downward, bitter spiral is as close as your thoughts.


I have yet to meet my mate - but rest assured I am ready. My dock is free and clear from all bitterness and ready for all the happiness it can handle.  How about you? Is there anything you've been harboring far too long? Let it go, forgive those who've hurt you (memo- you've likely broken a heart or two yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you). Behold the positive, behold the possibilities - you might be pleasantly surprised who and what cozy's up to your dock. 

                               

Eyecandy II & Earcandy I

Cesaria Evora. Afro-Portugese music at its best. 

          I don't have an i-phone, but I'm considering getting one JUST  so I can put this on it!

                                                               Rawson IPhone Case                      

Vintage Convertible Fur. What an AMAZING concept. Love this.

Tracee Ellis Ross - I adore her style. I want EVERYTHING in her closet!

Lauryn Hill. Millions love her. So do I.

Shoe Fairy - are you taking notes?
Louboutin - Fastissima

Donny Hathaway. No one, no voice compares.

Before even seeing the name of this shoe, I thought "this shoe is sensibly wicked". 
  Spikes + kitten heels. LOVE!
The name of the shoe? Louboutin -  Lucifer Bow