The Ties That Bind

On May 3, 1971, I was introduced to someone who would become one of the most influential people in my life - Alvin Kumeh Chea. Alvin is my big brother, my protector, my reminiscing buddy and my friend. Now, growing up we weren't particularly close. As a matter of fact, a few of years after meeting me (May 3, 1971 was the day I was born) Alvin tried to suffocate me. I guess I had begun my obnoxious little sister stage and he figured he'd had enough. Alvin peppered my life with many memorable experiences. There was the time that he put halloween masks on my poster bed while I was sleeping. I simultaneously woke up and passed out. There was the time that I had made him so mad he punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me (to date that was the only time I've had the wind knocked out of me. I should also mention Alvin was wearing a cast at the time). Yeah, as my mother would say as youngin's "our coocoo didn't boil". Happily I can say that post the beatdown my mother gave him for the Frazier like beatdown he put on me, our siblinghood has been on a constant rising trajectory.

When I was in middle school, Alvin introduced me to Chuck Mangione, Al Jarreau, Spyro Gyra, The Yellowjackets, Stevie Wonder, Earth Wind and Fire, Tom Browne, Boz Scaggs and countless other musicians. I remember jamming to funky basslines, chord changes and rhythm sections with a Quincy Jones like appreciation in the 6th grade. Jamaica Funk drew me in back then and it remains my all time favorite funk jam. Alvin is responsible for making me a music snob.

In June of 1989, my brother managed to complete a double major in English/Communications while traveling the world with the newly formed Take 6. 25 years, 10 Grammy's and countless other awards later my brother continues to accomplish what for most would be daunting. He is a full time husband, full time father, full time Take 6 member, part time law student, full time session singer and voice over artist, men's ministry leader and praise team leader. And no, we're not Jamaican :-)

As a father I liken my brother to a modern day Heathcliff Huxtable, minus the Coogie sweaters and penchant for hoagies. His oldest just turned 19 and his youngest was 2 months old at the writing of this piece. His approach to parenting is steeped in practicality, pragmatism and where the rubber meets the road-isms. My brother is very much his mother's child. Quite often my nephew Cole will ask me a question which more often than not is usually totally off the wall and abstract. Without hesitation I tell him to "go ask your father, he'll know the answer". Guess what, he usually does.

My brother isn't big on words, but when he does speak he is dropping pearls of wisdom and you know his words are thoughtful and sincere. The other day he told me I was a better cook than my mother (my mother was an extraordinary cook). You would have thought both Julia Childs and James Beard had presented me with a culinary honor. With all that my brother has accomplished in life, it would be easy to pick an accolade on which to pin my admiration. Truth is, if my brother weren't a multiple award winning artist I'd still be tickled pink to share the Chea name with him.

Alvin, if you are reading this - know that my love, admiration, support, and awe is unconditional. You are an amazing man, a rendering of the type of man I pray to be joined with one day.

Always-
Cynthia

30 things about little ole' me

1. I think I would be the perfect first lady to a ruler of an African nation
2. When I was a teenager I used to make out with my pillow. I've been told it was a worthwhile effort.
3. I am unseemingly preoccupied with Ebay and I've got the goods to prove it!
4. I always feel like somebody's watching me.
5. I've already picked out the names for my three children - Orion, Sinoe & Cassius.
6. While I am very much a girlie girl, I am partial to boy children and would be happy to have only boys. Oh, I REALLY have a thing for nerdy, eyeglass wearing, bug collecting little boys.
7. If there were such a thing as previous lives, I believe I was the child of an incredibly wealthy Jewish titan of industry.
8. I both love and loathe working out.
9. I rehearse what I'll say when I meet a celebrity but when I do I just stand there and blink repeatedly like i'm chromosonally challenged. I am SURE Idris Elba sent in a check to some mentally challenged kids charity after meeting me.
10. I rarely if ever go to movies. On the average, I see 1 movie a year.
11. I've been to Uganda, Ecuador, Kenya, Hawaii, South Africa, Australia, Trinidad & Tobago, Guyana, Panama, The Bahamas, Turks & Caicos, Canada (Calgary & Toronto) and Germany but have only visited a smattering of the continental United States.
12. I want a French bulldog. His name shall be called "Basquiat".
13. There are entire spans of years of my life of which I have NO recollection. I went to my 20th high school reunion and sat through a number of stories where I was the central figure....nope, zip, nada, no recuerda papi!
14. I have the ability to make very compelling arguments from either side of the aisle. My neurosis is a gift.
15. If I could only eat one meal everyday for the rest of my life it would be fish & grits (cornmeal breaded whiting and cheese grits to be specfic) OR Foie gras on brioche. How's that for two extremes of the food world?
16. Intellect trumps looks for me EVERY time. Intelligence and depth are maddening aphrodisiacs.
17. To date, the BEST years of my life were spent in NYC from 1996-2002 with Stacy Campbell Marshall, Lejoi Reese & Jay Mayberry.
18. I am an amateur art collector and I can't wait to put my collection on display. So far I've got Kehinde Wiley and Kadir Nelson in my bounty!
19. I have nightmares of being chased by a hairdresser wielding a vat of super Optimum perm.
20. I am totally CONVINCED that a woman can NEVER have too many shoes.
21. My paternal grandfather was a paramount chief and the founder of the village of Bana in Sinoe County, Liberia.
22. When I was a baby, my brother thought I was so ugly he tried to suffocate me.
23. I was thisclose to adopting an incrediby beautiful little girl from Uganda. Not being able to do so was my biggest disappointment but turned out to be an even greater blessing.
24. I would move ANYWHERE for love.
25. I always thought my soul mate would be my life mate. Turns out my soul mate is my best friend/sister/therapist/cheerleader Stacy Ann Campbell Marshall.
26. I am a hopeful romantic. Just when I think I've given up on love I fall right in all over again!
27. I live by the credo "take the meeting". You never know what the person across the table has to offer. This nugget was a gift from my broham - Alvin Kumeh Chea.
28. I still believe that honesty is the best policy. If I mess up, I'll fess up.
29. I am amazed that so many "grown folk" live such emotionally irresponsible lives. To put is simply, it still stands that "what goes around comes around".
30. Falling in love with Jesus is the best thing I've EVER done!

Images, artists, people, quotes and other things that inspire me

Jesus Christ. No other words necessary.


"It is cynicism and fear that freeze life; it is faith that thaws it out, releases it, sets it free." Harry Emerson Fosdick



All you need to add to this is "prayer is the turntable".


My father - Amos DoeGma Chea, an indigenous Liberian of the Kru tribe. My father started school at 11 years of age, excelled in school, was chosen by the President of Liberia to receive a scholarship, came to the states to study education, met my mother in an elevator at San Francisco State University, got married, had my brother, moved BACK to Liberia, came back to the states and had me. Most importantly, my father has lived a consistent, sincere, disciplined and honorable life for as long as I can remember. The way he has lived his life is more powerful than any sermon could ever be.



Kara Walker creates images that are riveting, beautiful, disturbing, majestic and full of truth


This is the work of Ruud Van Empel, an amazing Dutch artist. I call this girl "Kemigisa". Van Empel places her both in her finest and in nature. The richness of the green dress, the foliage and the depth of her skintone are extraordinary. For me this image evokes the purity and promise of Africa's children.







Rachel Roy - Her story proves that dreams can and do come true.








Herman Stanley McLeod, my maternal grandfather. A strikingly, severely handsome man, native of Guyana, one of 4 boys, father of 5 girls, sharp dresser and heartbreaker. I SO wish I could have met him.




LOVE the juxtaposition of ethnic fabric and haute couture. Very chic.



Peonies - lovely and delicate.


Louis Vuitton's modernized take on 50's era fashion - pleats, simple styling, ladylike dressing.


I ADORE this image - the turbans, the rich colors, the layering. To me, style is about taking risks, being fearless, expressive and individualistic... it's about discovering your voice and singing for all to hear.



French bulldogs are the perfect combination of fiesty, loving, beefy, petite and sturdy with a smidgen of quirkiness.



This is the PERFECT shoe. THAT. IS. ALL.

Take the meeting!

Excuse the typos. I'm a rambler, not an english major :-)

I've been fortunate to have people in my life who've given me stellar advice. 1. (With regards to employment)- Don't turn down jobs you haven't been offered. You never know what might lead to what - investigate. See if this opportunity might give you a skill set that you wouldn't get otherwise. 2. (With regards to dating) Take the meeting. I've gone out on dates with all types of men. Phd's, surgeons, actors, "blue collar" men, lobbyists...I've gained something from ALL of those experiences and recognized that the real difference is not money, status, it is OFTEN character. Stay open ladies, you NEVER know who may be for you. I will also add to the mix that while I have a preference for chocolate (ok I'll take chocolate with a dollop of cream as well), I am open to the swirl. Shoot, I’m open to a collard greens and egg roll combination.

I’ll take the meeting – I’m 5’6 but I STAY in 4 inch heels, so when I accepted the invitation to dinner from a 5’4 gentlemen I felt quite the amazon. In all fairness his profile said he was 5’7. What would have been a 3 inch differential blossomed into a ½ foot problem. But I digress, Eharmony said we matched on 40 points (clearly one of them was not height) so I “took the meeting”. It didn’t work out – not even slightly. However, I think that women in particular need to learn how to date. Broaden your horizons, take the meeting. You NEVER know what the person on the opposite end of the table has to offer. For the record, if there happens to be a vertically challenged gentleman reading this, know that I don’t discriminate. Some of the greatest gifts come in smaller packages AND I’m not opposed to rockin’ some fly flats in the name of love ☺

I've Got The Power!

I’m a FB junkie, that proclaimed, it stands to reason that I come across a litany of jokes, musings, rants, raves and quotes daily. The following is one I came across the other day - If you want to know a person's true character, give them power over you. Whew! Part of the reason I decided to start a blog was selfish the other selfless. I am a student of life – I’m one of those people who learns from experiences and applies the learned knowledge moving forward. While many of us don’t learn from other’s experiences, some of us do. It is my sincere desire, wish and hope that my words, my experiences can in some way serve as a barrier to even a smidgen of pain, disappointment and/or anxiety. But I digress, getting back to the quote.

In my 30+ years of life I have given “people” power over me. Consequently I have been abused, misused and a whole lot of other things. The question is – why have I given anyone power over me? In my daily walk as a practical Christian I am constantly in a neurotic tug-of-war with my creator, my provider and the lover of my soul. I find myself simultaneously placing and ripping my cares and worries in His and out of His capable hands. Yet, I meet a man (intelligent, spiritually aware, succe$$ful handsome and oh yeah, fundamentally flawed) and willingly hand over the reigns of my life emotionally and physically. In the words of Mark Twain I dance like no one is watching. I sing like no one is listening and I love like I've never been hurt. Never fear, I have the assurance of Mr. Twain that this will all lead to living like it's heaven on Earth. In all fairness to Mr. Twain, I’ve seen so many versions of this quote, he may not have even said it.

Life's journey is....a trip!

The Refrigerator Door – Reflections and Revelations on Loss

The Refrigerator Door – Reflections and Revelations on Loss

The hardended piece of sharp cheese was like a member of the family. Every single time I would open the refrigerator door, there was that piece of cheese. Never covered quite right, it would invariably have a hardened exterior. I’d gotten used to eating it just like that. That’s how mommy’s cheese was, tough exterior protecting the good stuff within.

11 years ago this coming August, my mother, Joan Rosamond McLeod Chea passed away. My mother and I had a unique relationship. Unique meaning - tempestuous, loving, patient, impatient, understanding, totally void of understanding and 100% real. I have so many amazing memories of growing up the child of this dynamic, handsome, passionate, driven, principled woman. My mother was a social worker. She took pride in her job, she was dedicated to the task of reuniting families torn apart by abuse (sexual, emotional, physical). I remember my mother telling stories about marching into homes and extricating abused children from their parents. She spoke as though she was a lioness venturing into other dens rescuing neglected cubs. I remember that on more than one occasion my father had to talk my mother out of adopting a client.

As much as she loved being a social worker, she loved being a mother, a nuturer and wife even more. Domestic prowess was something my mother celebrated. I grew up in a home where a fresh, home cooked meal was prepared every night. EVERY night. Right after school, Daddy would take Alvin and I to a sundry of lessons; piano, flute, ballet and swim team. My mother was determined to have dinner ready by 5:30. So, as soon as she would walk through the door she would take off her clothes, throw them over the banister, pull her slip up (to provide a semblance of modesty), and would get to cookin’. Sure enough, we’d walk through the door to glorious smells of stew chicken, peas and rice, roti, pumpkin, you name it. My mother took pride in being a superwoman. Her example set the standard to which I aspire. I remember my grandmother dying of cancer, my mom serving as her main caregiver and still holding things down at home. Even with all that, dinner was prepared every night.

My mother’s presence was larger than life. If Joan Chea was in the room, you knew it. At her funeral, Pastor DJ used these words to describe her “Joan Chea did not practice deceptive diplomacy”. My mother was the originator of “keeping it real”. She called it like she saw it. While often times the sharing of her opinion wasn’t encouraged, she was respected because she was authentic and true.

I was there when she died. Mommy died at home, surrounded by me, my father, my brother, other family and church members. It was the sweetest bad experience I’ve ever lived through. We all sang “Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus” as she took her last breath. She died with her calling and election sure. While my mother is sleeping in Christ, her words, her compassion, her selflessness live in and through me. For months after she passed I would catch myself picking up the phone to share something with her and then would remember she was gone. I had my mother for 28 years, but given how mommy loved and lived it was more likely equivalent to 50 ☺. Fact is, truth is, we’re never ready for our parents to die. My uncle lost his mother at 94 and cried like a baby. There’s no way to prepare for it. Our minds can’t fathom the permanence of death. Irrespective of your theological beliefs regarding the state of the dead – when they’re gone, they’re gone. Floating above or not, they are no longer in live and living color. Mommy knew I loved her madly, deeply and I knew she loved me the same. Home was never the same after mommy died. The smells were different, her slip was missing from the banister and that hardended piece of cheese wasn’t in the refrigerator door. That piece of cheese was like a member of the family. Every single time I would open the refrigerator door there was mommy’s piece of cheese. Funny how certain things stand out. For me, it’s the refrigerator door and that cheese.

Finally!

A few months back I posted on my vice of the moment (Facebook), that I would be starting a blog. I wrote those words without a true appreciation of what maintaining a blog required. After several not so subtle questions from quite a few people ( keeping the fire under me), I've finally gotten it up and running. Welcome aboard!!!!

This blog will cover quite a few things, practical Christianity, relationships, life lessons, fashion, politics.....in a nutshell, things that interest and concern most of us. Not sure how it will flow, bear with me.....we'll figure it out together.

I welcome your comments and critiques (try to be nice).